Chapter beta: Olivia
Chapter translator: Aivy
I ran as if all the demons of hell were after me. When I left the threshold of the pub behind me, I sprinted and ran and ran, apparated in the run, pulled out my wand, opened the entrance and locked it routinely, but didn't stop and rushed on. I ran blindly on and on and only stopped at the end of the passageway. Who said daily laps weren’t helpful?
I finally collapsed where I stood, sank exhausted down to my knees and, beaten, I remained kneeling on the dirty, trampled clay floor, slapped my hands with a suppressed sob in front of my face and groaned in pain, because everything hurt. He battered made me terribly. My insides felt torn and sore. As I had sunken to the floor pain had shot over my spine into my brain. He had done a great job, I was a single wound, and not only physically. Mentally, too, I was struggling to find myself.
Because I wasn’t nearly as tough as I pretended to be!
My body felt like nothing more than a shell. How could I have remained so uninvolved and kept my cool while he was near me? How did everything get so much out of hand? I had come to know a side of me that I didn't know I had. But it was good to know about it, I thought joylessly, pragmatically and a slightly hysterical giggle escaped my lips.
One thing was now certain for me: I was insane! I had requested a second time! Now I had it in black and white that I was mad as a hatter. The second thing was my pride, my stupid pride that had made me do it. I wanted to show him that nothing he had done to me meant anything to me! I was such a liar, but as it seemed a gifted actress, too! Or, a terrifying thought came into my stunned, confused mind: Was it no act and I was actually deranged?
That was probably more like it because the second time had been good, really! I didn’t have to pretend anything to him. At the time, my insides had been torn with pain and lust; I had been trapped in my very own, incomprehensible world. I had enjoyed having power over him, forcing my will on him despite everything. So, in fact, I had enjoyed the way he did me the second time around and I knew without professional help that that was sick, very sick!
But knowing that he now knew that I, Hermione, his student, lay beneath him, so exposed to him, and also that I was doing it with my professor, Severus Snape, with my eyes wide open took some getting used to.
How could I still look into his face after this night? Knowing that he knew I had played the whore for him? And Draco - I sobbed dryly and looked lost, despairing into the deep darkness of the corridor, for I hadn’t made a light for myself.
Why had I behaved like that? That worried me a lot. I had felt as if my fast-pounding heart had to leap out of my chest, but I hadn’t been able to let him win. It was like we were having a contest about who could shock the other more, in one way or another; I with my emotional coldness, he with his barbaric brutality. I knew he could punish!
I remembered the kiss on the mat during our first fight. However, this punishment that he had given me this time, this physical punishment ... If I had thought the kiss had been punitive, then I could now say in good conscience, he had taught me better. That he shouldn’t get his hands on you when he fucked to punish, I knew now. It was no pleasure, not in the slightest... It was all humiliating, degrading and hurtful, almost devastating.
When those dark black eyes had glared at me so abysmally angrily, it had been hard for me to breathe. His irises had changed to the colour of the pupils, making them look huge. So seething with rage I had never really experienced him, never! I had known that if he could, he would blow my lights out, and so I had kept quiet under that blazing look. Even when he had beaten me hard, I hadn’t moved and let him let work off his rage on my body and oh, he had done that without inhibitions! Ruthlessly and mercilessly.
I had first clenched my hands in the sheet to stoically endure the pain, to show no emotion. To not scream loudly, I had bitten my tongue when I thought he would try to break me, to rip me apart, as he so violently, repeatedly forced himself into me! Even now, I trembled and shuddered in memory of this borderline experience, which I didn't begrudge anyone, because he drilled himself into me brutally because of my dryness. It was only when he kissed me, so callously and coldly, and claimed everything in and on my body so barbarically, possessively, and made me absolutely submissive to his will that I drilled my nails desperately into his biceps.
Oh goddess, I was so tainted, so slutty; it was cruel. What had ridden me to ask him in such a shameful way to further humiliate me? I wasn’t normal, hadn’t been for a long time! What made this life out of me? What kind of person was I becoming? I helplessly wrapped my arms around my upper body, holding onto myself desperately. I was afraid of losing myself. I bit down on my swollen lip, tormented, to feel something, to feel anything. I was afraid to lose that ability, as empty as I felt right now!
Help, as he had pressed me to the table, I had felt so infinitely defenceless. Then he had blatantly threatened me about Sirius and Harry and other men! I was aware that he was serious, deadly serious. Just as he had wanted to murder me when he had discovered the mark with ice-cold intent, no ifs and buts. But he had just slapped me, tore my lip and had given me a painfully swollen cheek. I knew I had owed that restraint only to the mark because it prevented him from doing more, and I knew he could have been even more brute and brutal. At that moment, I had been as grateful to Draco for the mark as never before, when I had been faced with this unrelenting gaze that promised murder.
I had to be even more cautious from now on, since he had made it very clear, just like Draco, that he wouldn't tolerate another man by my side. It came just as I always expected, they all saw me as their possession!
I cried out in frustration and rocked back and forth with my upper body reassuringly. The bad thing was, I had expected something like that - that the ointment wouldn't last long enough. That's why, when I'd seen his frightening, almost berserk-looking look, I had correctly interpreted it and responded so calmly and deliberately, and I had deducted correctly that my cover had been blown! His gaze, when he saw my reaction, had been so satisfying for me that I pursued this tactic with cold-blooded calculation. What would have been the point of tears? Nothing! Not with him and even now they didn't come. I couldn’t cry, not for myself!
And as if that wasn’t enough unimaginable horror that could happen to me in a single night, my luck had once again decided to intervene to show that I was just an unwilling plaything of fate because we had to meet Lucius as well.
My luck has always been indescribably cruel. First this experience with a completely out of bounds Snape and then Lucius, who wanted to pull me straight into the corner, too. Exactly, I believe I had covered my need for cocks for the time being, I thought ironically, as I became consciously aware of my throbbing abdomen. Why had Lucius jumped at my secret identity? It was exasperating. I could probably do what I wanted and he would still desire me.
I still couldn’t cry; not a single tear left my eyes. I felt no shame or shyness, just emptiness and an indefinable feeling in my stomach and I wondered what Draco would do because I didn’t give in to the utopia that he wouldn't learn about it. He was going to go berserk that I hadn’t told him I was leaving the grounds.
But on the other side, a slightly insane smile spread on my lips as I had to think of the successful afternoon, and that just cheered me up a bit. Exactly, this showed me that there were ups and downs, all this was close together. I had to come to terms with the new circumstances. Please, Hermione, what was worse? To have a knife stuck up to the hilt inside you or Snape, I thought bitterly and so sarcastically that I giggled. No, it was true, why did I make such a fuss? Now he knew it, nothing more than cruel fucking would happen to me. I began to unclamp my cramped arms and rubbed my ice-cold face. That's right, it would only be a big deal if I kept obsessed about it. It was nothing. My body could handle it. With my potions and ointments, the pain would be forgotten tomorrow morning, I worked out in my mind. And the mental aspect?
Well, take it how it comes, my dear Hermione, you cannot change it anymore. Annoy him by showing him how indifferent everything is to you, that will infuriate him and occupy him more than if you play the broken wreck, I said to myself encouragingly. Groaning and with wobbly legs, I got to my feet. Shit, that burned, and it pinched dangerously between my legs.
I wanted to go to Draco, my Draco. I needed him, I needed him so much, but I didn’t dare. My courage had left me. My heart screamed for him and his closeness but my mind forbade it. I couldn’t look him in the eye now, I wouldn’t be able to handle that!
Oops ... I remembered that I did not look like Hermione yet and changed that quickly. That would not have been good. Now pull yourself together and keep a calm, cool head! I was juggling with too many, too dangerous and too complicated topics at a time to be able to afford to lose my head now. I felt how my mind got seized by a don’t-give-a-fuck mentality and that I had really begun to work through this evening with this little breakdown here. Good, that was good. As soon as the physical, internal pain was gone, I would bury it completely, I decided with feigned coldness.
I smirked, though then I remembered something and the grin slipped away. He hadn’t paid me!
Oh, I already knew how to drive him crazy. I loved it.
And revenge was too sweet...
Oh, I lost myself again, I couldn’t be alone right now. I couldn’t return to the bright, colourful, peaceful kindergarten of Gryffindor. I couldn’t, every fibre of my being was reluctant. Today, I had once again had a borderline experience that drove me even more away from the others. I had once again become a bit disillusioned, and even though my mind told me not to go to Draco, I didn’t care. I needed his strong arms and I knew he would ask questions only when I was ready. So I resolutely pulled my hood down into my face and walked to Slytherin, to my boyfriend, my lover... the man whom I trusted and from whom I hoped to get a little comfort after this ordeal.
When I arrived, the common room was busy. I made a beeline for him and noticed how he eyed me skeptically with a raised brow. From his cold look, which went right through me, I knew that he knew that I hadn’t been in the castle during the day! Even with my fuzzy brain, I came to the conclusion that the Twins had snitched and he probably knew very well why I hadn’t said anything.
I kept my head down, even with my hood up, looking at the floor. I didn’t want to see his look and have to interpret it. I was afraid to see disappointment, anger, sadness, and other deep feelings. However, didn’t need that because I already felt guilty all by myself.
I heard rustling, he was getting up, then I felt him fishing for my hand under my cloak, grabbing it, and gently dragging me along with him. He seemed to feel my lousy condition and had not spoken a word until now and neither had I. He led me safely to his room and immediately pulled off my cloak, gazing at me for a long, intense moment, and I looked everywhere except at him. Then he suddenly picked me up and I gave a small, painful yell as he carried me into the bathroom. Otherwise, I did nothing and said nothing, but I didn’t stop him either. I was just grateful that he didn’t say anything and just stayed with me without any words. He seemed to instinctively suspect what had happened.
He carefully undressed us both and manoeuvred us into the shower. I perceived everything as through a thick veil. He washed me gently and lovingly. I felt the water warm my cold skin as if pointed needles pricked me, but I held my head under the water and enjoyed the rushing sound that was in my ears and numbed my mind.
When we were done, he treated me like a toddler, and it was so good to give up the lead and control so completely and let him guide me with so much caring, trust, and gentleness. He dropped me off on his bed and disappeared, only to come back with some medicine that he conscientiously administered. Afterwards, he tucked me into his bed still wordlessly and joined me freshly dressed, but remained above the blanket and clasped me protectively in his strong arms.
“Draco… I…” I whispered anxiously, after aeons of silence.
“Sh-sh, darling, tomorrow is early enough!” he said very tenderly.
“You aren’t angry?” I asked breathlessly.
“I am. But as I said, we have time and now sleep!” He rocked me infinitely gently and kissed my forehead tenderly when I felt my senses slipping away. He had given me a sleeping draught... Goddess be thanked.
End of Hermione’s POV
When I swept right into the common room like a god of vengeance, it was well attended despite the late hour, thanks to the fact that holidays were in session. My lovely godson was not to be overlooked as he stood out just as much as his father. It seemed to be the Malfoys’ curse not to know anything about inconspicuousness. Even if they did nothing, their presence was still perceptible. Unlike me, who always merged with his environment and stayed in the background, only the first place was good enough for these two. So much self-love was exhausting.
When Draco caught sight of me, a smirk crept on his face, which told me he knew what had happened tonight and was expecting me. But from where? Granger had said that she had not told Draco. So how did he know? I wrinkled my forehead unwillingly and looked disconcertedly through the greenish, gloomy room, which was very much in tune with my mood.
“Mr Malfoy, I would like to have a word with you!” I declared and rushed away with billowing robes. Surely some brave people would now dare to say that I, too, liked dramatic exits; my thoughts were full of cynicism and irony.
“As you wish, Professor!” I heard him answer politely at my back.
I rushed into my rooms and got rid of my rigid outerwear. I needed air, otherwise, I was afraid to suffocate. My blood was boiling when I thought of this unspeakable bitch named Granger and what she was driving me into. Getting so much out of control, that was not me!
Draco followed hot on my heels. He sat down on the couch with his innate elegance, crossed his legs casually and looked at me expectantly and patiently. A strand of his hair hung down into his face and gave him a bold expression. I too had caught myself again and was back to the ice-cold bastard I always was and so I let drinks appear for both of us. He immediately raised his and toasted me, appearing almost smug. I sagged more than sank down into my chair and groaned deeply. What kind of game did these two play? The crackling of the fire and the popping of the burning logs were the only things that could be heard in my rooms. The tension was palpable when none of us spoke and we only looked furtively into each other's eyes.
Eventually, Draco spoke up.
“What can I do for you, Severus?” he asked absolutely flawlessly and unmitigatedly, the confident Malfoy.
“It seems to me that you know that already. I just wonder where from?” I cocked my head and looked at him piercingly.
“Do you mean the fact that you saw my Mudblood today, out of school, for a rather ... intimate encounter?” The enquiry came so calmly out of Draco’s mouth that I had to suppress goosebumps. I could only nod because I was afraid my voice would not obey me.
“Then, yes,” he replied coolly.
“But from where? She said you do not know because she did not tell you,” I added spitefully and gave him a contemptuous lift of the corners of my mouth.
“That's all correct. However, she doesn‘t know everything!” He spoke in a very blasé way. However, I could see the approaching storm reflected in his grey eyes, even though he was acting calmly outwards. Bloody breeding.
“Now I am really curious, Draco!” I said in an oily voice. I, too, had not shown any feelings so far. It was as if we were circling each other, waiting for the other to lose control first.
“The Twins, they informed me. She told them for safety reasons that she had to do something. She left the castle at half past three ... and arrived back half an hour ago!” he explained to me nonchalantly.
“But Draco, half past three? We had our appointment at nine o’clock. What did she do in the meantime?” I threw in in astonishment, and Draco shrugged his aristocratically straight shoulders. Somehow Draco's calm and dispassionate behaviour had taken the wind out of my sails and I just felt exhausted and drained. Also, it dawned on me slowly but surely that I had brutally assaulted a student, which made me uncomfortable. I hated it abysmally when my so-called Death Eater colleagues raped young women and always invoked my iron-clad control. I myself had not done much better today and had pounced on her driven by my most base desires. A circumstance that made me grimace contemptuously now.
Even if she had shown herself so unaffected, it could not be. Every woman would feel something, the way I had violated her, and see it for... and see it for what it was. I had completely lost control, something I never allowed myself otherwise! Draco’s voice pulled me out of my confused thoughts.
“Something. Who knows. Collect information, I suppose. She would have constructed all her appointments around you, as structured as she is!” His reply was voiced in a monotonous tone. He had to simmer inwardly, as cold as he made himself appear, and now he took a sip of the alcohol and closed his eyes with relish. Yes, he was not as calm as he pretended.
“What do you have to say in your defence, Draco? You branded her with the Malfoy mark, your crest! Have you lost your marbles? Are you daft? And how could you allow her to be with me... let us, well... I thought she meant something to you? How can you stay so calm?” I still spoke softly and with emphasised calmness. I was very controlled right now. Yes, the Purebloods were pretty overbearing and blasé in their oh-so-noble behaviour and I had perfected it long before Granger. And then this minx came and rocked the very foundations of my world. It would be difficult for me to get over it.
“How, you ask? Many questions at once. Well. Yes, she means something to me, a lot even... More than anyone else... I... She means everything to me! I am not willing to give her up! Why am I staying so calm? You have taught me that, successfully, as you see. Should I demolish your living room now? Hmph... I beg you, that would be beneath me! How could I allow it? Well, I know, even if you will never admit it she means something to you, too…” He explained in detail, while he looked at me haughtily.
“Nonsense!” I interrupted him brusquely, underlining this with a harsh gesture.
“If you say so, Uncle!” he stated succinctly. However, I discerned that he did not believe a word I had said and he measured me doubtfully, so knowing, so predatory. “Besides, I know, no matter if she spreads her legs for you or not, only I am in her heart!” The words came hard, cold and vicious from Draco and I knew he really knew how to hurt. Yes, he was right, Granger was not irrelevant to me... not anymore and as he was rubbing it in that maybe I could own her body, but not her heart... I swallowed that bitter pill of knowledge with difficulty and retaliated, cold as ice.
“That is sick, Draco! Either way, you cannot be that indifferent about it!” I hissed nastily, and I felt deceived by him as well as by her.
“Nobody says that. But can I change something now that it has happened? We are all sometimes in situations we would rather not be in and want to avoid, but can we? No, not always. Who would not know that better than you, Severus? What should I accuse her of? That she acted as she thought she had to act? Back then, when I was with Father, when he had summoned me to see him on the evening when Pansy got her punishment - I was in a bad mood - I had the honour of attending a small, illustrious round. A little revel, and yes, I had my ‘fun,’” he spat pejoratively and grimaced in disgust, “What? Do you think I love to rape women and then even in front of the mob? It was as always: humiliating, demeaning and disgusting. And do not look like that; no, I did not tell Hermione!” He shrugged and I rolled my eyes.
I was speechless for a moment. Of the little chat I knew, but I had not known that Draco had participated. I knew how much he hated and despised such gatherings, and was disgusted by them every time. I could understand him. Even Lucius, who was the most accessible and open in this respect, did not like these meetings. He did only the minimum that was expected of him and then left in a hurry, seeking his salvation in flight. Yes, the three of us were very similar in this regard.
“Scared how she might react?” I enquired. I wanted to better understand the relationship between the two.
“Yes, but different than you think! She would have shown me her understanding and said that I had to get through it. Surely she would have come up with such a stupid saying, like ‘Grit your teeth and get to it, Draco! Most of the time you cannot choose what you want to, should, can and must do!’ But really I could do without it!” he said reluctantly, shaking his head and his white-blond hair went so well with the motion. I felt slightly dumbfounded!
That was what Granger would tell Draco if he cheated on her? That could not be right, could it? But on the other hand, she had not resisted me either. That would then confirm Draco's words that she had deliberately decided to endure it, submitting to her fate. No, she could not be so unscrupulous, she must not. Damn it!
“I… I… When I discovered the mark... I might have lost my composure, Draco!” I confessed unwillingly and stoically returned his gaze, hard and perhaps a bit too bitter.
“Does that mean that you beat her?” he asked indifferently and took another sip.
“No, yes… Oh well, beaten ...? Not really! Only a tiny little slap. But no, I did not mean that. I was very rude, brutal... I guess I actually…” I shrugged reluctantly. It was not like me to be so ineloquently, but it was hard for me to admit my weakness to Draco.
“What, raped her?” Draco asked harshly, still looking at me with a blank mask. I only nodded slightly and took a long gulp while his hands closed very tightly around his glass.
“Alas, what do you expect now, Severus. That I congratulate you?” Draco asked sarcastically after he had cleared his throat.
“No, the hell! The little bitch made me furious…” I burst out indignantly and glared at him angrily.
“And you were probably more upset that she's been fooling you for so long, admit it!” I now saw an ironic smile on his lips. “You won’t do that again, Severus! Are we clear? She is under my own personal protection. You won’t force yourself on her again, have we understood each other? She belongs to me, never forget that!” His voice clinked like frozen ice and everything about Draco seemed to be concentrated power.
“Of course not, what do you think of me? The situation slipped out of my hands at the moment…” I replied antipathically and stubbornly raised my chin. What did he think of me?
“Did she ride it out, or did you... break her?” He was visibly worried and had straightened up a bit.
“And no, it seems much, much more has to happen to break her. No tear, no reaction, no nothing. She is positively scary in her cold way! Which has probably put me in even more of a rage!” I shrugged.
“That’s my girl! I would have been very surprised if she did not implement her words the way she says them. She is incredibly strong... I admire her very much, Severus! Yes, she has the gift to always trigger very strong feelings in a man!” he explained visibly proud and convinced.
“But why did you make that far-reaching decision and do this ancient ritual? What will Lucius say? She is also a Mudblood and you have taken in someone like that into the purest family ever. Several people will get the shock of their life when this comes out,” I said worriedly, and his gaze became steely and piercingly sharp as he answered me.
“As if I would ever act ill-considered or thoughtless... Tsk, tsk. I have brought into my family the most gifted, powerful, and intelligent witch of our time, rest assured that even our Lord would appreciate it. I enhance the status of my family with her, not the opposite. She is a gem and I know how to get what I want and how to keep and protect it!” The reply came confidently from Draco. Wow. I was deeply impressed by how far-sighted and strong-minded this boy had become, but at the same time, I doubted he knew what he was getting into with her. He underestimated her, I was sure of that.
“You see me surprised and shocked, Draco! What are you up to?”
“Well, you should never underestimate me! What I have in mind? Nothing! However, Hermione is one of us, forever. Only Father should keep his hands off of her!” he replied in a controlled tone of voice.
“How do you imagine that will work? He is the head of the family. He is even older than me. When he finds out to whom he has unrestricted access… I won’t be hopeful,” I objected. I was sure Lucius would seize the opportunity.
“Oh, I think, if I rely on my right as the one who marked her, it will slow him down a bit. If Father does something, it is respecting me and he usually responds to my wishes. I think, with your help, that he will not immediately drag her to his bed, but will try to control himself!” he said coldly, calculatingly, and I was amazed at how much Draco had apparently thought it over.
“Yes, I agree with you. Lucius recognises you as his heir and whatever he understands as love, you come most closely to it. You are important to him. But we both know, matters pertaining to Granger never play out the way they should…” I ventured to argue thoughtfully. Where Granger was concerned, I did not expect anything more, or always the worst.
“Quite true…” A resigned sigh escaped Draco.
“I still have to tell you something. After the whole, unfortunate encounter-”
“Nice description!” Draco interrupted me and laughed harshly, giving me a piercing, venomous look.
“Where was I? We met Lucius!” I said. Draco got more serious from one second to the next and looked at me impatiently.
“She was able to escape him, although he too wanted to buy her. Even as a blonde, she seemed to appeal to him, but she played with frightening coldness the single mother that had to go home to her baby!” I still shook my head over Granger. She seemed to be the born liar and deceiver.
“What? Wow! Too bad I wasn’t there; she was probably terrific. I love it when she does something like that!” Draco declared with terribly unemotional.
“Do you know what, Draco? You are both out of your minds!” I attested to him shortly. They had really searched and found each other. Who was worse, he or she? This question would probably occupy me for a long time!
“Why? We have a similar sense of humour! Now tell me, how was she in bed?” he wanted to know, suddenly interested.
“Your morale leaves something to be desired!” I declared coldly, crossing my arms and legs dismissively, and sat back.
“Oh, come on!” he continued to urge me relentlessly.
“I think you are in bed with her often enough that you do not need me to tell you about it or give an account!” I would not let myself be questioned by my godson.
“That good?” he laughed very dirtily. I pressed my jaws tightly together. “That you can have fun together, I already saw at Hog's Head a while ago!” He grinned diabolically and my perfect mask slipped for a short time. I looked at him shocked. What kind of cunning, cold and diabolical child had I raised there? I wondered, shocked.
“Yes. I watched you through a window at the time. With her you seem to have more fun than usual!” he told me unapologetically, as I raised a corner of my mouth contemptuously.
“You are impossible, do you know that?” I growled in a strained voice and put all suppressed anger into my magical power.
“Well, let's just say, I am who I am. And to be nice: no, that's not how you raised me!” It was too frustrating because where he was right… “But alright, I'll ask Hermione!”
“What?” I hissed, infuriated.
“Yes. What did you think? That I let it go that she breaks the agreement and just leaves the castle without informing me? She’s getting a dressing down. Not telling me is and was unacceptable and that means trouble for her, real trouble!” He was very haughty and overbearing, but he meant it very seriously. Poor Granger, that would not be nice for her.
“Well, Draco, I'll retire now. You know everything now, live with it!” I rose determined and Draco followed suit. He approached me, which made me pause in surprise. Did he want to punch me? I would put nothing past him at the moment and if we are honest, I deserved it. But no, he surprised me again.
He held out his right arm, just as I always greeted Lucius, and reflexively, I stretched my own forward. Draco's fingers tightened around my forearm and I grabbed his. I raised an eyebrow in question.
“I am glad that you are now in the know and I am relying on your help, Uncle Severus!” He squeezed for emphasis and looked me straight in the eyes, his expression pure and demure.
“I will always stand by you. If you need me, I will be by your side, Draco, you know that. Your concern is unfounded, Granger is under my protection just as any member of the Malfoy family!” I spoke solemnly and clearly saw through this little viper. He oppressed any need for revenge or anger because he knew that he would need my full support against Lucius. So much cunning and deceit. If I was not so involved, I would be proud and deeply moved what a man Draco had become, but as it was I just felt like a pawn on his chessboard.
“Thank you, Severus. I knew I could count on you!” He looked at me contentedly, loosened his grip and turned away.
“Stop, wait! Why did you not tell me...? Why did you let it escalate like that? Because we both know, the ritual is not reversible anyway!” I asked curiously and saw him turn just his head and stop for a moment.
“It was much more fun this way!” He laughed harshly, going on, and left me shaken in his wake.
End of Snape’s POV
Because of a short vacation the chapter next week might get delayed or cancelled. Just for a heads up.